Eldest Daughter Saves the World from: Thinking Stillness is stopping

In a world that glorifies the grind, the most underrated edge a leader can have might just be the ability to do nothing. In this episode, join Coach Laura to dig into why stillness isn't laziness;  it's strategy. We cover the science behind your brain's rest state, ancient philosophy that's surprisingly relevant to modern business, and practical ways to build stillness into your life starting today.

What We Cover

• Why hustle culture is costing you your best thinking
• What neuroscience says about your brain when it's "doing nothing"
• How decision fatigue silently tanks your judgment
• The Stoic practice of the inner citadel — and why Marcus Aurelius was basically a productivity guru
• Why stillness is strategic withdrawal, not retreat
• Practical ways to build stillness into a busy leader's day

Key Takeaways

• Your brain's Default Mode Network — active during rest — is where your deepest creative and integrative thinking happens. Busyness shuts it down.
• The best decisions often come not from more information, but from a quieter mind.
• Stillness isn't about slowing down your business. It's about speeding up your clarity.

This Week's Challenge

Pick one of these and try it for 7 days:

1. No phone for the first 5 minutes of your morning
2. Block "white space" on your calendar like it's a real meeting
3. Take one solo walk a week no podcast, no calls OR take a walking meeting. 
4. Use the "one breath" reset before big decisions or reactions
5. Create a hard evening unplugging ritual

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Find Coach Laura on Socials:

@LauraTakesABreath

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to a new episode of Eldest Daughter Saves the World. We're so excited you're here to tackle a little bit of life's problems with some humor, some good advice, and just some friendliness. Enjoy! Hello, hello, hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Eldest Daughter Saves the World. It's me, your host, Coach Laura. And I'm very excited about our topic today. And I'm just gonna title this episode Stillness as a Superpower. So, me as the Eldest Daughter Saving the World from busyness, right? And if you know me, you know I hate the word busy. I hate hustle culture. So we're gonna dive into that a little bit today. So I want you to think before we get started here, when is the last time that you just sat in silence for five minutes without scrolling your phone, without you know having to do something? It's very, very hard if you have not done this. And so that's a challenge to you as well. So if you have not done that lately, see what you can do. You can sit there with your eyes closed, you can, you know, have the thousand yards stare and gaze off into space. But I want you to think about when's the last time you just sat in silence. And I think sometimes we need that stillness, that silence, and we don't realize that we do in our everyday lives. So, what I mean by this is sometimes if we're in the middle of chaos, right? And we all go through seasons of that, and you think I just want to catch a break. I just wish I had an evening where I don't have something planned. I just wish I wasn't, you know, coming home only to sleep tonight. All of those kinds of things, we say, okay, yes, I need some stillness. But sometimes we're in the middle of our everyday lives. What if you're just sitting at your desk and you need some stillness, right? And that's what I've discovered about myself the last couple of years is that even when it's not quote unquote chaos, I am still craving that stillness. And so I had to kind of set some boundaries, and we'll talk about that a little bit here. Kind of again, just sharing what I do. There's no right or wrong answer to any of this, but just kind of sharing those little tips and kind of what I've done to alleviate some of that for myself. So I want to make the case today as we chat that doing nothing might be the most productive thing that we can do. It gives us time to recuperate, it gives our brain time for creativity, all of these things. So that's what we're going to be talking about in our episode here today. So let's talk about hustle culture a little bit. I, as I mentioned, do not care for hustle culture. Um, I think a lot of times, um, you know, I have a thing that I post a lot of times and it just says stop the glorification of busy, right? Busy is not a feeling, right? If somebody says, How are you? I'm busy. That's not a feeling in your body, right? It's a state of action. And so our culture, especially in the United States, really gives you uh these badges of honor if you don't sleep a lot and if you're just up or up with the chickens and you know, still going at 10 o'clock at night. And I think it's a nice act of resistance. And I'm probably gonna um mention her several times, but there is a wonderful um woman, um, and then her name is escaping me right this moment, but she has um something called the nap ministry, and it is exactly this it is resting, it is getting off social media, it is not playing into what everybody else says that we have to do and be busy constantly. Because, you know, if I'm getting into my into my deep conspiracy theories, that's what capitalism wants us to do. And so if you're gonna fight against that, I want you to think about, you know, am I just being busy? Am I just doing things for the sake of things? And I think there's a lot of cultural contrast between this, right? I I love those videos of or the photos of, you know, when there's an older person at a at a concert or at an event, and they're just standing there enjoying it. They're not worried about videoing it on their phone, they're not taking pictures. Now, that's not to say I have a million pictures, I love taking pictures, but you know, I think there's also a cultural East versus West mentality. There's a reason that most of our mindfulness, most of our um practices in that area come from Eastern cultures. And so that's something that we really have to um, you know, to fight against, I think, is because our culture is going to reward you for being busier, right? Oh, I can always add in one more trip to the grocery this week. Oh, I can definitely, you know, add another meeting to my calendar, all of those kinds of things. When that's what we have to do is set that boundary, not to do those things anymore. And I think it the paradox is funny to me because a lot of our successful leaders talk about stillness being a reason they're successful, but they don't always even practice that, right? We all intuitively know that stillness is kind of the way for everything, but we don't always get into it. And so there is actually a lot of science around hustle culture, around how our mental and physical bodies react to these things. So there is something in your body called the default mode network, DMN. And that is the state that our brain gets in when it is doing its deepest creative and integrative work, right? Have you ever, this is why partially you've ever been in the shower and you have the best idea in the shower? It's because there's not a lot going on in that shower. You don't have a phone, you might have music playing, but there's just not a lot going on other than you washing your body and your hair. And so your brain says, I can relax, I can come up with a creative idea for that problem. And a lot of us, myself included, um, we have decision fatigue, right? There's 3,000 decisions we have to make every day. What kind of coffee do I want at the thing? Am I going to work at home or am I going to go into the office? What are we going to have for lunch? What are we going to have for dinner? What are we going to have for a snack? I need to remember to do this. Am I going to go to this store or this store? Constantly, we're all being flooded with these 3,000 decisions that we have to make in a day. And a lot of it, um, there is some study, especially in the mental health community, about how noise, and you can use that as, you know, physical noise that you hear and mental noise, because a lot of us have a lot of mental noise, it just degrades our judgment over time, right? Have you ever, I think, you know, I giggle, this is kind of a funny example of that. But, you know, I know people and I've done it too. Like, I'm really sleepy and I buy something on Amazon, and I didn't really need that thing, but I was, you know, my judgment wasn't 100% then, or I had these great ideas at night, and then I wake up and I'm like, yeah, that was dumb. So, you know, there is something to say that we do need that quiet to make to be our best selves, to do the next right thing, all of those kinds of things that we talk about regularly. So I think there is also, you all know that I'm a yoga teacher, and so I'm wholeheartedly, you know, in for mindfulness, breath work, all of it. And there is a lot of research on meditation that it really does have a you know physical effects on the prefrontal cortex of your brain. And that is the part that's focused, that's the part that's emotion regulation, you know, how we need to be strategically thinking. And there are a lot of, um, like I mentioned, there are a lot of successful leaders that talk about stillness being the key to their success, but there's many folks out there that actually practice what they preach. And so, you know, I think it's worth, if you're interested in this, kind of searching out people and just kind of seeing what they say. I know, um, Ariana Huffington is one, um, but you know, you just hear them when they are in interviews or, you know, just talking about their general success. That is one of the things they attribute, is that ability to be still. And I think a lot of us, um, I'm gonna share some I some not ideas, I'm gonna share some uh thoughts that I've had about this. And, you know, as always with me, take it or leave it. These are just kind of my thoughts on things. But I think a lot of times we tell ourselves that the busier we are, the more important we are. And I have seen this in workplaces, right? We all have had a boss that is oh so busy, right? And I've I know I've used this example when I've spoken and when I've coached before, but I used to have a boss and he would tell everyone how busy he was all the time. That's all he talked about. Oh, I'm so damn busy. Oh people started coming to me and bringing their business to me because that backfired on him. They said he's just too busy to take care of me, so I'm gonna come to you instead. And so we really have to watch how we, you know, come across in the world. And and I admittedly, and it's it's a thing I will work on and continue to work on the rest of my life. I tend to take on too much. So I am likely the busiest person that you know. And you will never hear me say that I'm busy, right? Because I don't, I don't want to give that any more power than it already has. So I think a lot of times, um, you know, I want you to think about this in terms of uh an emotional reaction to things. Have you ever had a time when you had an emotional reaction to something and had you just stopped and maybe you just said something in the heat of the moment, right? I snap at my kids because of this reason. Like I'll use my youngest child as an example. We're in the middle of re-watching Stranger Things right now, and that kid loves to talk. So he talks, talks, talks, talks, talks, talks, talks through the whole episode. Well, I had, you know, been talked out that day, and I just said, Can you please stop talking? Right. And I felt bad because he was just excited to see me and I'll write mom guilt. That's a whole other episode. But in that moment, I was reactive because the the absence of stillness got my brain to a point. And if you're a person that gets overstimulated, um, which happens to me a lot because of noise or that kind of a thing, you you can very quickly see how the busy part of us can affect how we act, how we're reacting, um, all of those kinds of things. So you probably have a lot of those same kind of stories in your own, um in your own life, I guess. So um let's talk one more, like kind of digging into the background of this. I want to talk about the the philosophical part of this. So we have heard things, and even if you haven't researched them or specifically studied them, they're just they've permeated our culture. And so um, you know, I think one of them uh that we sometimes hear a lot about, but he was a Roman emperor, but he was also a philosopher, and that's Marcus Aurelius. And he talks about having an inner citadel, right? So it's kind of this place of peace that you can come into. And this is a really great thing to dedicate during meditation. Um, if you ever do guided meditations, I've heard several where you some kind of going into some sort of structure that is peaceful. Um, and that can be, you know, your mind's eye, that can be, you know, picturing a home that's safe. It can be lots of different things. But Marcus Aurelius talked about, you know, you can't control what's going on around you, but you can kind of stand in that eye of the storm for a minute and take a few deep breaths. And so um, that's you know, one um I know that there is um Pascal had a famous line, and this is a paraphrase of it, but something like most of humanity's problems come from the inability to sit quietly in a room alone, and that's just it, right? It's I want to take over what you have, I want that, you know, just be happy with what you have, kind of a thing. And, you know, I think this sometimes is a lot of deep work that we have to do. Um, I'm hoping to have someone on the podcast soon talking about shadow work, but this is something that we have to figure out. Mine is anxiety. Why can I not just sit there? I have the same problem. It drives my husband crazy. Um, I really have a hard time looking people in the eye. I don't know why that is. Um, and I can do it, I can fake it till I make it, but it physically hurts my body to look people in the eye sometimes. And it's not because I'm being rude, it's just because my anxiety does not allow me to do that, right? My brain is so busy that I feel like I have to look 15 other places. Now I don't look like a spaz when you're when you're talking to me, but my brain is usually, you know, trying to crank out all the things right then. And I think, especially if you're an entrepreneur and you have the ability to do this, if you decide to be still, it is not passive, right? We're we're trained to think that the more we work, the more we will gain. And really the opposite of that is true. It's more of a strategic withdrawal, right? I need to stop, regather my thoughts. I need to, you know, right? If you set something down for a week because it's just frustrating you, we've all done this. Something that just you can't solve, no matter what you need to do. And you set it down and you sleep, or you, you know, let it lie for a week and you come back and you have a fresh perspective, and it looks so much easier at that point, right? Sometimes we're so down in those weeds that we cannot find the grass because the weeds are all around us. And so, you know, I think that we need to um, you know, to think of stop thinking of stillness as a bad thing because it's not always um it rarely is a bad thing, right? Especially in our culture and especially go, go, go, go, go, like a lot of us do. So I do want to give you some practical tips to helping yourself be still. And I I know I briefly alluded to it earlier, but one of the boundaries I've had to set for myself is what is an acceptable number of things for me to do in a day. Now, what do I mean by that? If I'm looking at my calendar and I see, okay, I have a meeting at 10, and then I'm supposed to do a podcast at noon, and then I teach yoga at six, and somebody comes to me and says, Can you meet me at four to do XYZ? Well, if that's the only time we can do it, I'll probably say yes. But if it's not, I'm already tapped into three things in one day. That's a lot for me. So I've had to set that boundary of I at least need one day a week that is very lightly scheduled, if not completely non-scheduled. And when I was in the nine to five world, I usually made this Sunday. I didn't schedule meetings on Sunday. I plan to do nothing but grocery shopping or something with my family. So, you know, finding what kind of works for you in that situation, I think is super duper important. Um, there is something called the five-minute morning buffer, and you can probably guess what this is, but it's that you just sit the first five minutes that you're awake. You don't check your phone, you don't um, you know, just start off reading emails, very first thing. Just give yourself five minutes to breathe, to wake up, maybe drink a glass of water, whatever it is. Um, a lot of people will schedule white space on their calendar. And people call it all sorts of fun things, right? But it's essentially like a meeting with yourself. And if you think of yourself as your most important client or your most important um employee, then that is a time that you would schedule off and don't, you know, just because somebody needs something in that time doesn't always mean that you have to jump to do it, right? Um, having an alternative um to do a walking meeting. If you're a person that has meetings all the time, take that meeting while you're on a walk. If you're calling in on the phone, you know, maybe it doesn't have to be Zoom, it doesn't have to be anything like that. If it's somebody that you're meeting in person, see if the two of you can get together and walk. That's always really nice as well. It just kind of gives you your body focuses on the movement of you and it allows your subconscious brain to kind of kick in and bring that um that creativity thing. Um, taking one deep breath before you do anything is kind of a micro stillness that you can do. So maybe somebody gives you some news and you're about to react to it, just take a deep breath before you say anything. If you have a big hard phone call that you need to make, take a deep breath before you pick up that phone and dial. Right. And if you're a good millennial like I am, you hate calling people on the phone. So every phone call is a deep breath. And so trying to figure that out. Um, going all the way to the end of the day, thinking of your bedtime. And I'm so guilty of this. I love watching TV, especially in the evening. It's especially if you have small kids, we all have that little tyranny kind of rebellion moment in the evening where nobody needs anything. So dang it, I want to watch a show with cuss words. And so you though need to create something that's gonna start signaling to your brain that it's time to decompress. So, um, again, just sharing some personal examples of that. I have some lotion that's called sleepy lotion, and I put that on as I take my vitamins in the evening. And that has kind of that smell has kind of triggered my body to okay, it's about time for bed. Let's chill it out, all of those good things. So that is what I wanted to talk to us about today. Um, so it's really not about you know slowing down your business, slowing down your work life. It's really more about speeding up your creativity and tapping into your creativity to start with. So, this is definitely something that we're all a work in progress on. And if I can be of service as always, I'd be happy to. And we will see you all next week. Have a good one.